The Power of Aloofness

November 11, 2015

 

People always say to me, “Kat, you are so inspiring. Your books are filled with tales of adversity and the ability to overcome it. I wish I could be more like you. Don’t get so down on yourself. Look at what you have accomplished. Others say, I have a book in me but then never do it. You have done it three times with a fourth on the way. You are truly amazing!”

 

Yes, I have heard this time and time again. It’s nice to hear it. On days when the going is extremely rough, a kind word or two can keep me going. Today, with bankruptcy looming along with another book release that only 10 people will read.

 

Today, I’m thinking maybe I offer up too much of myself. Perhaps, I throw off so much information, there is no mystery. Don’t we all know the stereotype of the dark and elusive writer locked away in a solitary room, crafting tales of evil, dread, tyranny or joy and discovery? On this day, I’m considering my outwardness may be what’s holding me back.

So now, I’m looking for the balance. Do I put it all out there and plastering my face and ideas all over social media to promote my books? What if I keep quiet and let promos leak or at least give the promos that flavor? 

 

It’s hard to know. I have read so much material on book publishing and promotion. I’ve tried it all and frankly, none of it works. 

 

Yesterday, I decided to try this daily blogging. I don’t really expect anyone to read it but maybe it will be helpful to another tortured soul. Or maybe I will discover what I am trying to do with my books. 

When I published Bullets, my goal was clear. I wanted to go to schools and talk to kids who were trapped in a domestic violence situation. I wanted to tell them you can escape the crossfire. I wanted to tell them to stay in school, to get help and to not blame themselves. 

 

I had the opportunity to do this on a small scale. I will say, this is the most fulfilled I have ever been. People often say, it must have been cathartic to write Bullets and to tell my story. To this day, I still insist this is not why I did it. 

Why did I write Chubby Chasers? Firstly, the story spoke to me. It’s about a woman trying to escape her self-imposed limits, her inherited psychosis, her fears and her mundane life. I realize Chubby Chasers is also autobiographical in many ways but that is where the heart of the story is. The tagline is “There’s a little bit of Carrolyyn in all of us.” So did I write to be inspiring to people, to break out of my own mundane life or to raise the much needed funds to help pay my kid’s college tuition. 

 

Most likely, I wrote it for all those reasons. Because I didn’t reach people with Chubby Chasers, none of that came to fruition. I guess it would be like tending your garden for months and having a snarly raccoon come and eat it all. 

So what did I do after that calamity? I wrote another book which cost me more money. Chance Chasers follows Carrolyyn on a different sort of adventure. I am not secret about the theme of Chance Chasers. It is an extremely sad and weary tale of tragedy and of Carrolyyn not being able to cope. Where Chubby Chasers ends with hope, Chance Chasers ends with despair. 

 

I believe this leaves the final volume of The Chubby Trilogy to end in victory. Challenge Chasers promises to tie it all up in a neat orange and purple package. 

 

Here I go again. The theme of today’s blog is “The Power of Aloofness.” I did just the opposite. I laid it all out there. I guess I can’t help myself. I want to avoid the inevitable but somehow it always finds me. 

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